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Monday, April 6, 2015

True Life: The Men Behind Women Bloggers

  • Blogger (person), a person who writes a blog, or web log

Since the late 90's there has been a vast growing of blogs on the world wide web. A quick Google search of the word "blog" and you will find someone writing a blog for almost anything. From DIY, how to dress, how to eat, exercise and some are even personal diaries. What ever it may be, there is someone out there writing their thoughts and feelings on a specific topic. Well I am here to tell you about a specific group of people who are associated with a blog. I refer to them as...

Hoggers(person), the husband, fiancĂ©, boyfriend etc. of the woman who writes the blog. 
(I completely made this word and definition up)

These men are true vikings of the world wide web. The resume of a Hogger is forever long. There is no job that we are not very skilled in. We are experienced in everything. You see, the life of a hogger is o' so complicated.

The DIY Hogger: You my friend, are part carpenter, electrician, plumber, and Pinterest Ninja.  You find yourself always making things at the midnight hour. Working in the cold, blistering heat and during Football Sunday.  If building a masterpiece of wood, metal, plastic is not hard enough; you are now required to take pictures of every step you take....and then explain why you did what you did. The hardest part of your job, by far, is trying to comfort your wife in the nicest way, when this happens...

The Cooking Hogger: This group of men have an iron stomach. You can eat anything no matter the smell. Your metabolism is a finely tuned machine. You also probably have the best job in the world. Pinterest has been the best thing to have ever happened to you. You now have a plethora of recipes at your disposal. 

 The Fashion Hogger: You are a modern day Arthur Fonzarelli. Always quick with your words. For you, always get the question; "Does this look good on me? I want to write a blog post on my outfit but want to know if you think it looks good." AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Not that question, How do I answer??? Relax, You're the Fonz.... you've done your research, you know to say that the scarf compliments the boots, and the dress makes you look younger. You have seen every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, Fashion Star and Americas Next Top Model.

The Exercise Hogger: Everyone should have healthy eating and exercise a part of their everyday life, but you are on a whole other level. Instead of getting to sit on the couch and play Xbox on a lazy saturday morning, you are up at the butt crack of dawn preparing for the next 5k. Go ahead and say it my friend, "would a piece of cake, a beer, and my ass planted on the couch for a day really hurt?"

The Coupon Hogger: Your wife is the thriftiest person you know. She has a binder full of coupons just like your baseball collection when you were a kid. You are glad that she is saving money on every item she buys. You've spent an entire Saturday at Sams, Costco, Walmart, Target, and Walmart.
But you often find yourself asking " do we really need 16 bottles of toothpaste, 4 cases of Qtips, and 9 bags of brown rice." We spent 2 hours of our time to save 65 cents on a case of soda. To spot this Hogger, just look for a man pushing a cart as fast as he can out the front doors of a shopping center and jumping on it as it is an oversized skateboard. Don't judge him, for this is his only excitement for the day.

You see, the life of a Hogger is oh-so-complicated. We could also be referred to as BOB. We are part Bob Villa, Bob Harper, Chef Bob, Bob Timberlake. For we do everything in full support of our wives, even if it means missing the game, missing a finger, or missing beers and cigars with the non Hogger guys. Writing a blog is something that your wife enjoys and you will go to no end in full support of her. I say this to all of the other Hoggers out there, " Keep doing what you are doing, you are appreciated more than you know. Continue to make things, endure healthy food and exercise, spend weekends doing things with your woman, for there is one thing you will never have to do, Be Bored In Your Relationship, for there is no greater bond than working together to achieve a common goal."


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